Kalamazoo: The Land of Green(s)

Coming from Toledo, I did not give one fuck where we wound up, but luckily it was Kalamazoo, Michigan. When we first arrived, we couldn’t help but notice the glorifying greenery (seeing as how Toledo had nothing to offer besides shit-brown patches of dirt). There was finally a breath of fresh air. We stayed with their buddy Malcolm in his rainforest-encompassed college home. Shouts to Malcolm for the hospitality, thank you, my friend.


Seeing as how this is probably the cheapest place on tour to purchase weed ($70 quads), we stocked up…phat; which naturally led to the most unproductive day of my life full of lawn-sitting, chain-smoking, and people-watching.

As much as I loved the scenery, there was something that felt uncomfortably familiar. During my time at Southern Illinois University, I realized one thing: college sucks. In the midst of school work, far-off towns, and FratStars, college students walk around lifeless. Like sluggish zombies ready to repeat everyday over and over again. The only form of entertainment exists within idiotic, mind-numbing internet videos like “Trapped In The Closet” by R. Kelly. Listen to my words of wisdom: don’t start the series, you will get hooked. It’s a little like meth; at first it’s all fun and games and then you start to look like this:


Well, off to Grand Rapids to play with Jetpacks again, they better leave us some fucking beer and pizza this time.


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