Take My Advice: Never Go to Toledo, Ohio

Well, the first show is officially over. Exciting, huh? Not really; it was in Toledo…you’ll understand in a minute.

Taking off, the excitement was almost unbearable, obviously, I mean it’s a tour. During the entire car ride to Ohio typical subjects of beer, sage, and the shaving of female anatomy were flung back and forth to get over the endless boredom of the nonstop open road. And it’s funny because when I say “nonstop open road” you honestly don’t understand what I mean unless you’ve driven past Ohio. For the people that need a more visual representation, this is literally what we saw for three straight hours; no bueno:

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Besides comical conversation, the only thing getting me through the ride was this:

When we finally arrived at the motherland, the scene was not very far from that of Skid Row; homeless on homeless on prostitutes on prostitutes. Not going to lie, I was a little scared for the safety of myself and the rest of the van. Imagine driving down a random, shaky ass road with thousands of dollars worth of equipment whilst being eyeballed by 27-year-old crackheads on bicycles…yeah.

After almost shitting myself, we eventually end up at the venue: The Main Street. It seems pretty chill besides the fact that we were promised pizza and beer. All of which were coincidentally devoured by mainstream-rock turnips We Were Promised Jetpacks. Fuck them. I was excited for my pizza. But hey, at least they put on a show; the amount of bald, middle-aged white dudes was impeccable. Kudos. In case you were aware, this is what you could expect if you ever cross their path……………………..

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All I can say is, get me the fuck out of Toledo. I’ve had enough. Well, on to the next one I guess.

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One Response to “Take My Advice: Never Go to Toledo, Ohio”

  1. Glad you are having so much fun!!!!! LOL

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